Sunday, September 16, 2012

Lash out Loud

For the past couple of days, i found myself shedding a lot of salty,useless liquid that just continuously flowed no matter how hard I tried to stop it. Now that is one way of exaggerating my description of crying.

Bottomline, I feel so sad, down, useless, unwanted. Everyday, I have this heavy feeling. I have to admit, I am so depressed.

Back in college, whenever I feel down, even if I should review for exams the next day and even if it's already 10PM, I'd catch a cab and go to my fave hang out place just to have some beer. I usually have 4-6bottles of beer and I'd go back to my apartment at around 1AM. I had no close friends who'd understand me. The friends I had then would just go and process me and tell me in my face that I am such a spoiled brat wailing about unnecessary things and then process me again. They're right at some point but that's the time when lashing out and releasing is what I need first. That's the time I needed friends to hear me out first before telling me advices and telling me the right things to do. I think that was also the time I became very close to being alcohol-dependent. I turned to alcohol whenever I feel very down and I found myself just wanting to go to a bar every night.

Now, I'm in this deep, dark, damned pit of depression again and I have no friends to vent out to and this time, I don't have bottles of beer to accompany me. It might take some time for me to get out of this pit again but I know that I'll get out in the right time and the right moment and I know that this won't stop me from living ny everyday life normally.

And YES, I will always powerfuly soar as God's responsible gift of love! :)

1 comment:

  1. You are not alone Meg, times can be tough when you're dealing with depression, but even when you feel alone, God is walking with you. This came to me when I read your post so I'm passing this word onto you. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

    Hang in there hon!

    From your sister in Christ,