Wednesday, September 11, 2019

How I've Moved On After A Heartbreak Due to Cheating

At the Police District to apply for my Residence Permit

When I moved to Norway during the start of spring when the country is still very damp and gray, with snows that lasts for an hour but melts almost immediately, I immediately felt uncomfortably lonely and sad. I wanted to come back home after just a few days! A filipino friend who has been living there for more than a year told me that she felt that too and that there is something about the norwegian air that gives this certain level of sadness. This guy and his adorable 2 year old made things tolerable for me. They became my home, my sanctuary.

Things were running smooth and I was starting to gain momentum at work and even around the area as I met new friends and I got involved in different activities. All of a sudden, things changed.

He became friends with a woman who introduced herself to him when he was shopping in Sweden. I trusted him. I trusted her. After a few weeks, they started seeing each other behind my back. He started lying to me, he started making excuses for the several times he had to cancel on me. Then, his friend told me he saw him being intimate with this woman and then a couple of hours after that, he posted a photo of them together. I called his phone and he had the girl answer. That is how the relationship ended. Just. Like. That. They ddnt finish with that. Because days after that incident, they were sending me photos of them together almost everyday. It shattered me. They ruined me. I ddnt know where to start, what to do. But I had to live and move forward. How did I manage?

1. I told the story to friends. I told at least 12 people my story because telling the heartbreak over and over can get exhausting but it makes one get better. I ddnt limit it to a few people because if I told the story over and over to only a few people, they'd get fed up.

2. I drank almost everyday. My room felt very lonely and I had difficulty getting a decent sleep(3hrs everyday isnt decent) so 1-2bottles of wine every night helped a lot

3. I came back home here in PH. No better way to handle things than be close to people who matter

4. I continued with the drinking despite being home because it does help with sleep and it gives a temporary relief from feeling like your heart is being squeezed so roughly because of the breakup)

5. I stopped following him on different social media. 2 months after that, when I saw a pic of them together, it did not affect me that much. This one I think is the most effective way to move on.

6. Be with friends you can do activities with. If it's drinking, then cool. If it's going on foodtrips, even better.

During the times my heart was crushing while he was happy, did I hate him? Honestly, no. I was very hurt but I ddnt hate him. Or maybe I just cant remember any instance when my hate towards him manifested. What I can remember is that, I ddnt want to be friends with him because I was hurting and I thought I would never be friends with him because of what he did.

A year after the break up, he communicated with me. They're still together and they're even engaged! While before, I wanted them to not work out as they both cheated on their partners to be together, that time, I was genuinely happy for them.

During the first month after the breakup, things were difficult and very painful but when I looked back a year after, I was surprised that I was able to go through such a rough time. If he wants to be with me, would I take him back? Definitely not. And I am sure of that because he did tell me he wanted me back, twice. First was the day I got back here in PH, from Norway. And the second time was when he got in touch a year after. But I told him that we should just be friends although honestly a part of me wanted him back. But here we are now, better off as friends 😊

Saturday, January 16, 2016

My 2015

2015 has been a great year and, looking at the things I’ve been through, all the things I experienced and all the people I met, it has been a wonderful ride. This year started with a trip to Shanghai, then Shanghai to Zurich, the city where I lived for a year.

On Adjustments
View from my window
Switzerland is very different from the Philippines.  The country is well organized, everyone is disciplined, the meals needed getting used to because it is a totally big shift from having rice every meal to bread, pasta, salad, cheese and lots of other things, the activities that can be done are activities not typically done in the Philippines and a whole lot of other things. First week in and I badly wanted to go back home already. The snow was not of big help in my early adjustment days as well! For days, I walk around the city alone with no friend I can go out with for coffee or no friend to share experiences with. Thankfully, on my third week, I went to language classes and there, I met a fellow Filipino who’s also learning the language. She introduced me to other Filipinos who live in Zurich. Living in Zurich became a lot easier since then as I have friends I can visit on weekends and they were also more than generous enough to give me tips on how to fully enjoy my stay. What delighted me so much as well was the thought of finally having Filipino meals on weekends!  On my second month in the country, I got a hold of things already. I got comfortable with public transpos and I was even able to travel to Milan and Venice on my second month! I also got used to the food—pancake  or bread with butter and honey or jam, yogurt, muesli with fruits for breakfast, pan-fried meat with mashed vegetables or pasta for lunch, fruits and chocolates or pastries or anything sinful and tea for zveri and any meat with salad or stir fried veggies, wine, and ice cream for dinner. I also got used to saying “gruezi” to any person I see. The first few weeks are the most difficult but after a while, what I considered as very different, became normal and comfortable to me.

On Friendships
With my friends at Pilatus in Luzern
I met friends who I’m sure are friends for a lifetime. I met them during travels, some just in the neighborhood and some are fellow Filipinos who are from the same region as I am here in the Philippines who also introduced me to other Filipinos who are from the south. My fondest memories I have are shared with my Filipino friends I spent most of weekends with. We had lots of sleepovers and we also did some trips together. Most of them opted to stay and try their luck in other European countries, some also came back but I am sure that in time, our paths will cross again. For now, we’re good with getting in touch through Facebook and Whatsapp.

On Travels
At the Parliament House in Budapest
I’ve been saving for a Eurotrip since I started working but I didn’t fully expect that 2015 is the year I’d be able to fulfill that goal. I was able to visit the cities I only read about in books and hear of from friends. Probably half of my savings when I was still working in the Philippines, went to traveling and I guess same is true during my stay in Switzerland. During my travels, I have also noticed that although the countries are in the same continent, there are lots of things that make each country and city very distinct from the others. Travellers may say that one year is more than enough to go to countries in Europe as every country can be easily reached by bus or train but I was not able to travel up north due to time and budget constraints. I was only able to travel around Eastern and Central Europe. Maybe this means I should really go back to Europe because I have yet to see Belgium, Amsterdam, Sweden and Norway!

On Relationships

I arrived in Switzerland with a broken heart. I considered an opportunity to leave the country because I wanted to get out for a while and mend my broken heart. Friends can attest to this. One even advised that I should not enter into a relationship whilst in the country because the reason why I went to the country in the first place might be the reason I’d leave—heartbreak. I started going out on dates around the last week of May. Things were getting smoothly with someone but I felt like there is something missing, that our personalities don’t fit. Probably I have not completely moved on from my previous relationship or probably because we are from completely different cultures. I was used to a guy who would constantly communicate with me, who’s just one message away and who can prioritize me and his work at the same time. Had I realized that maybe he’s just too busy and that when it comes to work, he has to put his concentration fully at the task he has at hand before anything else, had I been more understanding, it would have worked out. I learned lots of things the longer I stay and I can say that it when I have finally absorbed the culture in Switzerland, it contributed to the great relationship I have with my boyfriend.

On what is next

Before I left Switzerland, I was already scared on what the future will be for me. No job to go back to and law school won’t start until June. To put it simply, basically, as soon as I left Switzerland, I delved into the unknown and honestly, it scared me so much. My family thinks that at this stage, I should already have a great career, good savings, be in a long term relationship, have a long term plan and financially secure but none of those are anywhere within reach. Currently, I am looking at universities where I can pursue further studies and thankfully, my parents are very supportive of it. Europe is a viable option but Australia is much more ideal because of the closer proximity to home and they also have excellent universities that best fit my criteria options-wise. As I go through this year one second at I time, I will savor the moment and finally jump into another abyss and hopefully, it would work well just as it has worked well last year when I took that big leap to Switzerland.

Sunday, January 25, 2015

From Bayombong to Zurich

It's been a while since I last posted and it's due to a lot of reasons. My reasons may be very shallow but hey, they are still acceptable. ;)

Last October, I decided to delve into the unknown. I pulled out all my academic records from law school, used a huge chunk of my savings(and my parents' money), resigned from work and decided to come here in Switzerland for a chance of a lifetime. I thought my parents would stop me and tell me that the idea of coming here is insane but, to my surprise, they were very supportive about it. Although hesitant at first, since I have taken the first step, I continued on with the process. 

Now, here I am, enjoying life in the country I've dreamt of visiting since I was a child. I don't know if I can survive long with the high standard of living, different culture and different language but, I can wholeheartedly say, I am glad I am here. 

Three weeks and counting as of the writing of this post and, so far, things are fantastic. :)